There are five toilets in the ladies on my floor at work. The lighting in the bathroom means that three of these toilets are bathed in bright light and two of them skulk in darkness.




Research built up over months (casual observance by me on each visit) indicates two of the brightly lit toilets get the most daily traffic. The third brightly lit toilet is rarely visited, it is likely this is because of a disturbing asbestos sticker on the cistern.




Further evidence of the preferential use of the two brightly lit toilets comes in the form of a quick reduction in toilet paper available in the stalls.




I am happy with this, if everyone is using the brightly lit stalls the dim stalls stay cleaner and are almost untouched by human bums between cleans. Up until today I was thus much more likely to choose a dimly lit stall than a bright one – there’s not much to see when you’re going for a pee, and occasionally braved the asbestos for a change. I tried to avoid the ‘bicycles’ of the bathroom where possible.




However my world has been upset by the dawning revelation I had on the can this am. What if other people have also realised, through extensive research, that the dimly lit stalls are the best? What if they are all flocking to these stalls, bum after bum? Sacre bleu!




The bathrooms here do rock a little bit harder than those elsewhere though – each stall has a mooncup sticker on the door – some bright lass has harnessed the power of reading on the can to promote the good word about catch’em cups.